If you’re feeling anxious in today’s economy, take heart: “Digital Prophet” David Shing is the second highest-paid person at AOL, making a bundle by delivering incoherent word salads of meaningless marketing clichés.
Here’s a brilliant example of “Shingy” at work.
You Can Become A Prophetic Bullshitter With These Easy Steps.
Fortunately, you can become just like Shingy. If you’re unemployed, under-employed or just looking for a new career in the exciting world of Prophetic Bullshit, here are some tips to get you on your way:
1) Present Yourself As A Cartoon Character.
Note how Shingy doesn’t seem like a real human being, but rather more like an avatar or cartoon character. This is important. Long ago your audience lost contact with reality, so your credibility depends upon conforming to the tried-and-true caricatures encountered in B-movies and video games.
Shingy has chosen the Einstein look, with big disheveled hair. This is a popular avatar for presenting yourself as an intellectual and is donned by master bullshitter Malcolm Gladwell. Another effective look for male cognoscenti is the shaved head, made popular Seth Godin and John Gerzema, to name just a few.
Like Shingy, you may also consider going by a single name, like “Code” or “Klik.” This helps to reinforce your meta-humanity.
2) Incoherence Above All.
To be a truly effective Prophetic Bullshitter, you need to be committed to Total Incoherence. Make sure that not only some of your presentation is senseless, but that all of it is senseless. By allowing even one intelligible sentence to creep into your talk, you open yourself up to being challenged. But an unrelenting stream of nonsense will, paradoxically, generate an air of intelligibility, despite the fact that no one, including you, will have a clue as to what you’re talking about.
Your audience will, however, get a lukewarm sense that something important is being communicated, all the more so because of its incomprehensibility. (For more on the Authority of Incomphensibility, check out the works of G.F. Hegel).
3) Speak The Way Stupid People Think Smart People Speak.
Anyone with a decent education and above average smarts knows that speaking intelligently means speaking clearly and simply. But the bulk of your audience is dazed and confused, associating complexity with brain power and incomprehensibility with knowledge. As with your visual avatar, your audio avatar has to conform to an easily digestible stereotype. Foreign accents help.
4) Mix It Up!
Once you’ve got your image and your verbal style down pat, you’ll find the content of your presentation remarkably easy to generate. All you’ve got to do is make a list of your favorite corporate and marketing jargon. Then present the list, or a random selection from it, in any order you want, always being mindful of keeping the flow going. Here are some gems we’ve extracted from Shingy’s talk, plus a few others that can help get you started.
- fast fail
- passion
- the 30-second commercial is dead
- context
- yearning
- it’s cool
- wouldn’t it be cool?
- it’s really, really cool!
- changing times
- speed of change
- accelerated change
- mind share
- media overload
- lean in
- web 2.0
- web 3.0
- participation (economy)
- engagement (economy)
- context marketing
- brand dna
- platform
- architecture
- conversation
- interconnectivity
- connectivity
- mindfulness
- paradigm shift
- yoga
- any vaguely philosophical statement made by a famous actor
- any quote from a philosopher or scientist
For more material, just check out useful tools like The Web Bullshit Generator, Marketing Bingo! and The Corporate Bullshit Generator.
5) Now Get Out There And Make Your Fortune!
There seems to be no limit to the demand for Prophetic Bullshit. So take a few weeks to get your act together, rehearse in front of a mirror, maybe do some trial runs on YouTube. Then take it to market.
And remember: enjoy yourself. It doesn’t matter what you say. Just keep your presentation moving forward, appear sincere and thoughtful, and before long you’ll be enjoying the fruits of a lucrative and satisfying new career.
Happy Bullshitting!
Become a better storyteller. Check out our Strategic Storytelling seminars and workshops.